The wait might just kill me.
It's been about 2 months since I have decided to go on a mission. And let me just say that these past 2 months have been some of the hardest and best that I have had!
After deciding to serve a mission, I began to work on my papers as soon as I could. I was finally complete with the process and they were submitted on February 3, 2015!
From the moment that I opened my online recommendation to start applying for a mission, I wanted to know where I was going. I wanted to know what language I would be speaking. I just wanted to know already.
But here I am writing this on February 18... still no mission call in hand.
I have spent countless nights laying awake at odd hours staring at the ceiling pretending their was a world map. I would try to imagine myself walking the streets of Tokyo or Italy or Zambia or Idaho or basically any other place that I knew that existed on planet earth.
Here's the real maps that are currently filled with about 153 guesses as to where I will go. It kills me to know that only 1 or none of them will be right!
Along with curiosity about where I am going to serve, there has been some really hard things that I have had to overcome in the past 2 months. While working on my papers, I faced self-doubt and inadequacy like I have never felt before. People had warned me that the adversary would try to make me feel that way, but I didn't know how real it could be until I was feeling it. There were times when I would find myself crying just because I felt like I could never be good enough to teach people the gospel -- I was too young. I wasn't knowledgeable enough. I wasn't good enough.
However, while I have never felt self-doubt like that before, I have also never felt the love and support from my Father in Heaven like I have in the past couple months. I know that Satan was the one who was putting doubt into my mind. I also know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and that we also have a Savior who knows exactly what we are going through because his Atonement covered both our sins and our sorrows. I realize even more now that the reason I want to teach other people the gospel is so that they can feel that same love from their Heavenly Father and know the power of the Atonement!
Last week when I all I seemed to be doing was obsessing over a mission call coming who-knows-when to who-knows-where, I realized something very significant:
My mission call has already been assigned -- it has been since the premortal life. It's only a matter of time before I am reminded of where that was.
After recognizing how true this statement is, I felt peace immediately. I know that wherever I am called, I have always been meant to serve there. There have always been people that I need to come in contact with. There has always been a special reason why I would go there.
While it's nerve-wracking and scary not knowing where I'll be for the next 18 months, what language I will speak, and even worse, not knowing what type of strange food I will be asked to eat (I've always been somewhat of a picky eater haha) -- I could not be more excited to serve a mission!
The good news is that my call has officially been assigned... it was assigned on February 11th! It should come in the mail this week to my apartment at BYU Provo and I can fly home to open it this weekend in California! Here's to hoping I will know in just a couple days!