And just like that, I'm going on a mission.
Yes, you heard that right. It shocked me too at first.
Okay... so a little back story:
Well about a month or so ago, I decided that I really wanted to figure out if it was right for me to go on a mission. It seemed like everyone and their dogs were headed out into the scary, but exciting unknown world of missionary work. My brother was on a mission. My three closest girl friends from high school were either out serving already or had their call. My roommate had her call, along with about 10 other girls in my freshman ward. Missions just seemed like the thing to do.
Me and Kyle (McAllen, Texas)
Me, Abby (Paris, France), Alaina (Kennewick, Washington), Carissa (Quito, Ecuador)
So I did all that I knew how to do. I prayed and read scriptures and prayed and prayed some more. I really felt like a mission was something I should do; I mean, I was raised in the church, I had a strong testimony, and I loved the gospel. If those weren't good enough reasons, I didn't know what was. But for some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that a mission wasn't right for me. This happened continuously for a couple of weeks. Finally, I decided that that was my answer... I wasn't going to go on a mission.
And so life continued.
My choice had been made. I thought I had gotten the answer. It turns out that I had gotten my answer. But Heavenly Father had a different one in mind.
On December 2, 2014, I got Heavenly Father's answer.
It was a typical day for me. I had woken up late and was frantically trying to get to class somewhat on time. Okay, I was actually just trying to get there in time for the daily quiz, so I could get credit.
Anyways, I was running out the door when the door slammed a little bit louder than normal (or so I thought). It was as if something was trying to get my attention because all of a sudden, a clear voice came to my mind saying "You need to go on a mission".
Still late for class, I continued to hurry on my way and figured I could figure out the voice in my head later when I had time. I stuck in my headphones for the walk to class like I always did and hit play on my music. The first song that came up was normally a song I loved to listen to, but this morning I strangely didn't feel like listening to it.
I hit next and the song that came on didn't come on by accident or coincidence:
Savior Reedemer/Called to Serve by Rebecca Mohler
*Side note: this album is awesome... go listen to it!
At this point, I could care less about making it to class. As soon as I got into one of the buildings on campus, I went into one of the bathrooms and then into one of the conjoining mother's room. Completely alone, I knelt down and prayed out loud to my Heavenly Father. During that prayer, I got one of the greatest confirmations that I was meant to go on a mission. There was and still is no doubt in my mind that I am meant to go on a mission.
I do have to say that in that moment, I have never been so terrified, yet so excited before in my life.
I thought back to my patriarchal blessing and couldn't believe what I had missed. Multiple times it says that I have been blessed with the knowledge of the gospel and that should motivate me to share that happiness with others, so that it can bless their lives as well.
I truly had been prepared to go on a mission... Heavenly Father just had to open my eyes to it.
Knowing that this was really happening, I decided to call my dad. When he answered, he was actually in a business meeting. I just told him to call me back when he got the chance. When he finally called back, I told him what had happened.
Both fighting to talk through tears, he explained to me that he had felt like he should talk to me when I came home for Christmas break because he really felt like a mission was something I should do and that there were people he felt like needed me specifically. Once again, my decision to go on a mission was again solidified.
Next, it was time to call mom. She answered the phone and the same conversation I had with my dad happened again. With more tears and more reassurance, I walked away knowing that I had just made one of the scariest decisions in my life, but probably one of the best I could ever make.
This is all still new to me. I still want to pee my pants everytime I tell someone that I have made the definite decision to go on a mission.
But I know without a doubt that I have been called to serve, despite not even having my official call yet. I know that I might never get over the terror that I feel because of the unknowns to come, but all will work out.
Here's to the future and this cray adventure I just decided to embark on.
Peace. Love. Preach.